When Gotham is ashes,you have my permission to die

tagged: #tw: depression #tw: alcohol #tw: suicide #tw: anxiety #tw: death/hospice #idk content warning for drunken cries and personal stuff with my friends

I may have only slept for 4 hours last night, but I’ve already accomplished a lot this morning.

I finished my laundry around 7am. Took my poochie out. I was hungry, and I wanted to have a nice breakfast. My mom woke up because of me and the dog, and she took me to Bottom Dollar so I could get some bacon, eggs, cheese, and red peppers.

We stopped at Dunkin, where I got a latte. I don’t even care that I’m not supposed to have caffeine/coffee. I fucking needed it this morning. I needed it keep the tiredness at bay. It was really really good. It’s strange that I’m so tired, and yet I can’t sleep. My dad made breakfast. I had 1/4 of a waffle, a slice of bacon, and a few bites of my omelette.

My brother was yelled at because he told me “Go kill youself” during our breakfast conversation. To which I replied with a shocked face “What??” My dad yelled at him outright. My brother’s sense of humor is awful.I told him, “I hope you don’t say that to your friends Phillip, because you never know what’s going through someone’s head. Never tell anyone to go kill themselves.” So that put a damper on the mood, but it quickly turned around when I changed the topic. IDK, it was just nice being awake with the sun pouring into the kitchen, and sitting with my family. My eyes are watering a little bit because I know I have to go back to school in about 6-7 hours. I don’t want to go. I’m terrified of becoming sad again.

My mom and I are heading out to the grocery store because she needs stuff for home, and I have a few things I need for school. I’m excited to break in my new boots, and wear my new jeans because this morning my damn pants almost fell down around my ankles in the store. I hate belts that go around my hips. I don’t even own any that fit around my hips, just my waist.

It’ll be nice going out with my mom despite the cold windy weather. Good news is, I’m one pound away from a 40lb loss!

posted 3 months ago, 4 note(s), reblog

tagged: #tw: suicide #tw: dieting #tw: weight loss #tw: depression

posted 3 months ago, 965 note(s), reblog

tagged: #the royal tenenbaums #epilepsy warning #tw: suicide

posted 3 months ago, 2989 note(s), reblog

tagged: #the royal tenenbaums #tw: suicide

posted 7 months ago, 47554 note(s), reblog

tagged: #tw: suicide

satans-testicle:

The Story of Kyle
One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.”I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up, and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.My heart went out to him. So I jogged over to him, and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.” He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.I helped him pick up his books and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before, but we talked all the way home, and I carried his books.He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes.We hung out all weekend, and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!” He just laughed and handed me half the books.Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.On graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him! Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech, so I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. “Thanks,” he said.As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. “Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach — but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.” I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. “Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.”I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture, you can change a person’s life.

This always makes me cry like a fucking baby.

posted 8 months ago, 249667 note(s), reblog

tagged: #tw: suicide

BREAKING: Director Tony Scott Dies at 68 From Apparent Suicide | The Daily Breeze

to-the-wonder:

popculturebrain:

Scott is best known for directing ‘Top Gun,’ ‘Days of Thunder,’ ‘Beverly Hills Cop II’ and the recent ‘Taking of Pelham 123.’ He is the brother of director Ridley Scott.

The Wrap has confirmed the above report.

(via bobbyfinger)

Wow. Shocking, tragic, mysterious.

Thanks for all you’ve done, Tony. We’ll miss you.

posted 9 months ago, 473 note(s), reblog

tagged: #omg and i just saw that he was working with ridley on that new tv move called coma tonight too #rest in peace #tw: suicide

posted 10 months ago, 656 note(s), reblog

tagged: #shame #tw: suicide

posted 11 months ago, 1084 note(s), reblog

tagged: #breaking bad #tw: suicide #SOON OMG SOON #if you aren't watching this show you are clearly doing something wrong

posted 12 months ago, 164 note(s), reblog

tagged: #the royal tenenbaums #tw: suicide